March 7th, 2004

life begins - me

Return of the Cleavagey-Slut-Bomb

Okay, so most of you know that that I'm going to the Fusion convention in April/May this year (yay I'm gonna meet Nick!!) and you may or may not know that each night has a themed party where you get to dress up and basically act like an idiot for the entire evening - it's very funny to see - but I digress.

For Fusion the themes are "Back to School" - not exacrly difficult - Roman Toga (again with the easy-ness!) and "The Bronze". That one basically says, come dressed as a character from the show, any character. Now, with long red hair you'd think there would only really be one choice for me wouldn't you? And to tell the truth it was my first choice because I do have rather a lot of Willow-like clothes in my wardrobe. But no. I decided to make things a bit more challenging.

Yesterday Denise and I went on a girly shopping day (well as girly as it gets when it kicks off with having lunch in an Irish pub whilst watching the first half of the Scotland/Italy rugby match!) and I bought the following: Really nice pair of indigo Levi's, Black low cut verst top, Rock-chick boots. All I need now is some black hair colouring and a temporary tattoo - I'm going as Faith!!!!! Me? Faith!

Denise has actually dared me to approach Nick whilst dressed like that and say "Don't worry, I'll steer you round the curves." I agreed. I'm regretting that now but I don't think I'll back out... until about five seconds before I open my mouth that is!

Onto other things, Asbjoern Grandt (archivist at XanderZone has just recommended "What A Difference A Day Makes" to that group as well - can I just reiterate how completely and utterly blown away I am with how well this story is being received?

I'm writing chapter two right now (well, right at the moment I'm wrtiting this LJ entry but you get what I mean) and listening to jazz again - what a fantastic way to start a Sunday!

I actually said this to a friend the other day, at some point in the last month or so I've stopped thinking of myself as someone who likes writing. I'm a writer. It's as simple as that, okay so I'm not getting paid for writing at the moment but being a writer isn't just a job description - it's who you are.

I am a writer.
  • Current Music
    Twenty-Something (Jamie Cullum)
life begins - me

Families - who'd have them?

I don't have much of a life, I'm the first to admit that, my weekends usually involve going out on Fridays, spending Saturday with my sister and her kids and Sunday's I chill in the house and write or doodle or whatever. Yesterday I didn't spend time with my sister, I was up at her house on Thursday night and I was out with a friend yesterday so it just never happened.

I get up this morning, fully intending to chill out, spend time walking the dog, catch up on fic I've missed out on during the week and get some writing done. So, the CD's on, I've checked the emails, second pot of coffee is ready to be made as is my lunch when I get a call from my sister asking when I was coming up to see them. I explain I probably wasn't going to because I had a million things to do in the house and she starts guilt-tripping me about how my nephew's been looking for me all the house. It's probably true, I've heard him throw tantrums when someone goes to their front door and it's not me. It's all very sweet and I adore both he and my niece but good grief do I not get to have my own life?

I know it sounds petty but she convinced me to go and spend an hour or two with them just so I could drive them to B&Q and then she keeps telling me that if I leave before my nephew finishes his lunch he won't finish it at all so I stay for a while longer. It's now 3.30 pm and I've done no writing whatsoever today. I'm looking at the notes I have for the next part of WaDaDM and I'm so not in the mood to write it anymore!


Don't get me wrong - I love my family, I love spending time with them but every now and then (most weeks it seems) my sister manages to get me to change my plans to suit her plans....

Again I say gah!
  • Current Music
    jamie (what else?)
life begins - me

Now I'm going to be stuck with deep thoughts all day...

Okay, so I got over my little hissy fit with my sister. I just remembered that if I think I have no life then what the hell must she think? She's now got two kids under two years old and a partner who doesn't exactly help much. I'm one of the few people she sees in the week so to bitch about that is me just being a little selfish really.

Managed to get some writing done on WaDaDM this afternoon. Not sure about it at all, when I wrote the first part I actually felt content, I was happy with it and psyched about where it was going. This part is completely different - I don't feel connected to it at the moment. I think it might be because I was so sure I would get it all written today and have it posted by this evening. It didn't happen and I'm frustrated with that but on the other hand I'm not because I realise that - does that make any sense at all?

The incredibly warm reception I've been getting for this story had been fabulous but it's also been an albatross around my neck. There are people who are now waiting to see what happens in the next chapter and although I don't know these people there is a little bit of pressure on me to meet their expectations.

Enter the patented Shona-self-doubt. Am I good enough? Was it a fluke?

I know I can write, hell it's all I've ever really wanted to do and even when I was writing first-person continuations of SE Hinton stories when I was 14 or Nancy Drew 'novels' when I was 8 I knew I could do it. It's who I am.

I write because I love doing it, if people like it then that is fantastic and much appreciated, but it's done first and foremost for me. It's who I am, if I didn't write I would go stir-crazy. I'd probably end up in Carstairs hospital for the clinically insane. It's my hobby and it's my purpose. It's something I can do and do it well.

I also know that I think too much, what I should do is go back and read the first part myself. Get into the state of mind I was wrote it and just let the story tell itself.

In the words of the song I'm currently listening to: Maybe Tomorrow...
  • Current Music
    Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow