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the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone
21 June 2004 @ 10:35 am
I've been doing the job I'm in for coming up on three years, most of you know I hate it and I'm finally getting transferred to another position at the start of July. I'm still going to be doing this job until the woman I'm swapping with comes back from her summer holiday but after that I can wash my hands of it completely. Yay!

So why is it, I've got this pile of things that have been sitting for a while because no one knows what to do with them and suddenly I'm capable of clearing them? Is it because I no longer care? Could be, except for one problem, I never cared in the first place so why would I start now? Hmm. Anyways, I guess I should get back to clearing my desk and trying to hide the grin on my face then!

We kind of had a bit of a meeting with the staff to explain what was going to be happening and I actually almost felt my jaw drop when the big boss mentioned that the job I'm currently doing will actually be done by two people in the near future. So, she's been on my back for three years about how I work and now suddenly it takes two people to do what I do? This place is damn lucky to have me. (hey, I'm allowed to be egotistical once in a while, amn't I? ::worried smile::)

Ooo, rileysaplank made this icon for me to go with my fic Worlds Collide but since it'll be a while before the next part of that's ready for posting I'm using it now. Thanks Andy!
 
 
the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone
21 June 2004 @ 06:50 pm
My mum smoked at least 30 a day most the time I knew her, JPS was her brand which is a pretty heavy tar. From the time I was six years old my mum was in and out of hospital with cardiac problems. She had a total of six miocardial infarctions (heart attacks), the last of which killed her, and countless angina attacks. There was a time in my early teens when I can't remember actually seeing my mum without that little red and white nitro spray either in her hand or in her mouth. Her illness was caused by her smoking, she did try to quit just after her third attack, but she ended up smoking in secret. After my dad died (gastric cancer - he never smoked) she had her fourth attack and she did cut right back. By the time of her fifth attack (when I moved back home to help take care of her) she had given up completely. That said it was still the smoking which killed her, even if she hadn't touched a cigarrette in years.

Ever since the time I realised it was cigarettes that made my mum ill I was anti-smoking. I never touched a cigarette in my teens. I didn't lecture my friends who smoked but whenever they lit up I left them to it. I didn't smoke, at all, not even one little drag.

So why is it, that in the last year, after I turned 29, I've become an occasional smoker? And I do mean occasional, I think I've had maybe 5 cigarettes in the last six months. Every now and then I just get into this bizarre frame of mind and I end up with a lit cigarette in my hand, like tonight.

Strange.
 
 
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