the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone (whiskyinmind) wrote,
the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone
whiskyinmind

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70 Questions for Illyria

I'm having waaay too much fun with this!

To: watcher007@rwc.org
From: nottheshell@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Pyschological Profile





1. DO YOU SNORE?

What is this “snore”? Is this is a human action? I am not human, you are aware of this and yet you continue to ask me irrelevant questions like this?

What is the purpose of this interrogation? What is a “psychological profile”? Do you intend to uncover a weakness within me for future exploitation? If so, it will be a fruitless attempt. I have no weaknesses. I also have little patience.

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

3. WHAT IS YOUR WORST FEAR?

I have no ‘fear’. Others fear me - as should you.

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?

You are attempting to distract me with pointless questions that bear no relevance to my existence. Need I remind you I have little patience? This is, however, mildly amusing for the moment.

5 - WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ‘REALITY TV’?

This thing you call ‘reality television’ is not demonic. It is the product of my nemesis who must have been taken from the Deeper Well after Drogan was removed. If this phenomenon is allowed to continue it will bring about Armageddon. You and your feeble human minds cannot stop it.

6 - DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?

I do not consume food or liquid in the manner in which lesser beings do, therefore I do not have ‘straws’ on which to chew.

7 - WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

8 - IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

9 - WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?

Black. What color is your soul?

10 - DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

This ‘shower’ is a human affectation; it is not required to maintain the shell and is a waste of resources.

11 - HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?

This is an irrelevant question. I am a god king. That is all you need know.

12 - ANY SECRET TALENTS?

I have many. They are secret.

13 - WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?

Vacation is anachronism. When my work is complete and I have achieved my goal this world will be made anew and beyond recognition.

14 - IS JAY LENO FUNNY?

Humor is irrelevant.

15 - CAN YOU SWIM?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

16 - HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE “DONNIE DARKO”?

‘Movies’ are another step on the road to Armageddon.

17 - DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

18 - HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?

These questions are no longer amusing.

19 - CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

20 - HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?

Before I took possession of this shell it was necessary. No longer.

21 - ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?

I had many siblings. I destroyed them.

22 - DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?

It is astounding to me that you weaker species have somehow developed the knowledge required to tame lightening without destroying yourselves.

23 - WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

24 - IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

25 - DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

I am a god king. I do not ‘write’.

26 - WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?

The crux of the interrogation. I have no weaknesses.

27 - WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU”?

Love is a human failing. I am a god king. That is all you need know.

28 - IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?

Irrelevant. There is only one ‘king’ you need concern yourself with. Me.

29 - DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?

Tears are unique to the lower species and a waste of bodily fluids.

30 - HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?

I do not consume food in the manner of lower beings.

31 - ARE BLONDES DUMB?

I have heard several of the blonde ones speak, therefore they are not dumb, this is self-evident and requiring an answer from one such as me only shows your inferiority.

32 - WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?

I do not understand the question and you are no longer amusing.

33 - WHAT TIME IS IT?

Time means nothing.

34 - DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?

Wesley and the blonde half-breed called me ‘Smurf’. I do not know – nor do I care -  what a ‘nickname’ is.

35 - IS MCDONALDS DISGUSTING?

What is this McDonalds?

36 - WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH?

Human transportation is useless to one such as me.

37 - DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?

I have already answered this. My patience is being tried.

38 - IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?

What is this ‘Santa Claus’?

39 - DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

40 - ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

41 - WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?

These attempts to glean information you think you will be able to use against me are pitiful.

42 - CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?

I grow tired of repeating the same response time and again. I do not consume nutrition in the manner of lesser beings.

43 - CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?

Cracking the necks of others is much more satisfying.

44 - HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?

I have no need for human transportation. Are you attempting to entrap me in a lie by repeating the same question?

45 - HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?

Again, this is a human affectation that serves little purpose. Twice.

46 - IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?

You lesser beings seem to be infatuated with destroying your bodies through the use of poisons. I have observed this action time and again. Can you explain this?

47 - ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?

I do not sleep.

48 - WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?

Why is this relevant?

50 - DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?

This is not life. This is merely existence. Are you aware there is a question missing or is this another pathetic attempt to confuse me?

51 - DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCING?

The shell is merely a tool of my continuing existence. I am not above mutilating it but for the moment I have done nothing more than remove the lingering remains of the one Wesley called ‘Fred’.

52 - ARE YOU PSYCHIC?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

53 - HAVE YOU READ ‘CATCHER IN THE RYE’?

I have read much of the literature of the lesser beings. It amuses me.

54 - DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?

I can make your soul sing in joy or wail in despair. Lesser beings such as you are my instruments.

55 - HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?

Money is a human affectation and has no relevance.

56 - CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

57 - DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

58 - DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

59 - DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

Magic is not something to be believed in. The question is the same as enquiring if one believes in oxygen.

60 - ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND?

The relationships between lesser beings are of no interest to me.

61 - YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?

It is irrelevant.

62 - CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

63 - DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES?

I make no mistakes. I am a god king. That is all you need know.

64 - IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?

The comfort of the shell is of no concern to me.

65 - WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

For the final time, I do not consume nutrients in the manner of the lesser beings.

66 - DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?

This is an irrelevant question. You remain under the impression that the shell is somehow me. It is not. It is a merely a shell.

I grow weary of this interrogation and will answer no more.

I am a god king. That is all you need know.

67 - HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
68 - WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
69 - DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
70 - FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
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