the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone (whiskyinmind) wrote,
the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone
whiskyinmind

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I've not had a whole lot of sleep this week - hence my worsening mood as the days dragged by - but last night I thought I would catch up. I kinda... didn't. Again I was awake at around 3 am - and since this is something like the fourth day in a row that's happened I'm wondering if my neighbour has rigged some kind of alarm clock to go off around that time just to piss me off (me? Paranoid? Never!)

I did have about half a bottle of red wine last night, so maybe me waking up that early was just my body realising it was dehydrated (I did get to sleep again after downing aboout a pint and a half of water...) and I was awake again just about 7am. Having had a disturbing dream. I dream a lot but I rarely remember anything of it (including the dream I had which centred around a brilliant short story which was getting published and was possibly leading to a book deal - I know that in the dream I had the story memorised word for word, but when I woke up? nothing. *g*)

Anyway, this dream was a little disturbing and stuck in my head - in fact I can still remember some of the details now - two hours later - so I wrote it down.

I was in the back bedroom of my house, it seemed to be my bedroom and I was getting ready to go to either a wedding or a funeral (it really wasn't clear which it was) and re-arranging furniture. My mum and dad were there and while my mum was moving furniture, my dad was getting more and more angry that it was taking so long.

I couldn't get the laces on my boots done up - and I have no idea why I was wearing my faux-biker boots to a family function - and while I was struggling with the missed hole, all the furniture was moved around me. When the room was done it was my mum's things that were in there - her clothes in the drawers, her shoes in the cabinet (which I took apart about four years ago).

Finally I got the laces sorted out and, after a little argument about whether I should wear the raincoat (which I don't own but which was the biggest seller when I worked at C&A - seventeen quid for a raincoat? No wonder we sold a lot of them) we all got into the car - a silver Citroen Picasso (neither my dad nor I have ever owned a Citroen, never mind a Picasso) and my dad was getting angry that I didn't know the road to my aunt and uncle's place "like the back of my [sic] hand".

I was sitting in the back of the car - on the passenger side - and as we got a little way down the road, I got him to stop the car so I could pick up something I'd forgotten.

Got out of the car and walked up this side street which was the corridor between my office in the library and the binding prep office. The thing I'd forgotten was the pink umbrella which someone had left on the microfilm reader desk yesterday (this was a real thing - there really was a pink umbrella sitting on that desk all day). It was properly furled up and had it's cover sleeve on, so I picked it up and headed back down the side street/corridor to the junction (where the lift lobby would be) and there were at least six silver Citroen Picassos of varying ages . I did finally identify the right one but just as I had my hand on the door handle, I woke up.

The important things - my dad never lived in this house. He died before my mum (and me) moved back to the West Coast. The back bedroom of this house was my mum's, and although I did use it as my bedroom for a while after she died, it's currently my junk room with everything from the dining table to the lawn edger in there. Before I could drive (which I didn't do until after my dad had died) I always sat on the driver's side of the back seat - the passenger side was always my sister's seat (and yes, she was notably absent from this dream, wasn't she?)
I do know the road to my aunt and uncle's house pretty well, but I've not been there since my aunt died three years ago.
My dad would never get as angry as he was in the dream - yes he'd get angry, but nothing like the anger I saw in that dream.
My mum was far more outspoken than she was in the dream (and she was way too sick to move furniture in the way she was).

so yeah, not a nightmare, but slightly disturbing. And yes, there's all sorts of elements in there about my parents still dominating my life and me not being able to meet their expectations (damn boot laces!). I get the symbolism, I used to read dreams for fun. This one... disturbs me.

Anyway, I have a million and one things to do this weekend, so I'm off to go pick up the parcel from the post office, take the dog to get his booster vaccination, go to the supermarket, avoid my sister... *g*
Tags: family, random
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