the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone (whiskyinmind) wrote,
the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone

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Emo drama queen, that's me

yeah... sorry about that. I'm not all the way better yet, but I've eaten and slept for around fourteen hours (and given that it's still before nine on a Sunday morning you can see my sleep pattern's fucked up again). So that's got to be a good thing.

Depression is a (pardon the pun) funny thing. There are days when I'm absolutely fine, snarky yes but that's just me, days when I'm incredibly hyper and productive. Then there are days when I think I'm depressed but still functioning, and then there are days like yesterday when I can't stop crying and the paranoia & extreme low self-confidence come crashing down to the extent where I can't do anything. At all.

It's like being a yo-yo. Up, down, tangled up somewhere in the middle... This is not the way to get healthy.

I'm getting there, the fact that I'm sitting typing this and listening to non-morbid chunes is a good thing, the fact that I can't currently do anything creative because of the low self-esteem thing sucks. Especially since I have two LIMS contests to enter in the next couple of days and I'm still at the stage of shutting down Photoshop without saving anything because I think everything sucks (I do this a lot more than I let on by the way...) so I guess I'll just have to take it easy and see what happens.

I know I don't suck, hell in one of my moments of having to prove to myself I could do something, I made an animated icon of the SPN s2 logo yesterday which is kinda mesmerising and I'm going to use for this post I think, but my brain just doesn't quite believe me right now.
Tags: mental health
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