the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone (whiskyinmind) wrote,
the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone

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Now I'm going to be stuck with deep thoughts all day...

Okay, so I got over my little hissy fit with my sister. I just remembered that if I think I have no life then what the hell must she think? She's now got two kids under two years old and a partner who doesn't exactly help much. I'm one of the few people she sees in the week so to bitch about that is me just being a little selfish really.

Managed to get some writing done on WaDaDM this afternoon. Not sure about it at all, when I wrote the first part I actually felt content, I was happy with it and psyched about where it was going. This part is completely different - I don't feel connected to it at the moment. I think it might be because I was so sure I would get it all written today and have it posted by this evening. It didn't happen and I'm frustrated with that but on the other hand I'm not because I realise that - does that make any sense at all?

The incredibly warm reception I've been getting for this story had been fabulous but it's also been an albatross around my neck. There are people who are now waiting to see what happens in the next chapter and although I don't know these people there is a little bit of pressure on me to meet their expectations.

Enter the patented Shona-self-doubt. Am I good enough? Was it a fluke?

I know I can write, hell it's all I've ever really wanted to do and even when I was writing first-person continuations of SE Hinton stories when I was 14 or Nancy Drew 'novels' when I was 8 I knew I could do it. It's who I am.

I write because I love doing it, if people like it then that is fantastic and much appreciated, but it's done first and foremost for me. It's who I am, if I didn't write I would go stir-crazy. I'd probably end up in Carstairs hospital for the clinically insane. It's my hobby and it's my purpose. It's something I can do and do it well.

I also know that I think too much, what I should do is go back and read the first part myself. Get into the state of mind I was wrote it and just let the story tell itself.

In the words of the song I'm currently listening to: Maybe Tomorrow...
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