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09 February 2008 @ 05:25 pm
Dean Girl. No Apologies.  
SPN 3.10 spoilers, kinda.

So many people are posting about 3.10 in respect to John putting too much on Dean and Dean rebelling.

I feel like I have to say something but I know my own issues will interfere.

My mum put a lot on my shoulders when she died. It wasn't because she saw me as a good little soldier, it was because she figured I could deal with it and because she didn't really think she was actually dying. Mortality is a funny thing. When one is a child, one considers oneself immortal. Then one reaches puberty and recognises the need to further the species, and thinks that perhaps along with genes we can pass on thoughts, philosophies, ideologies.

It doesn't work.

She didn't know, she wanted me to be me.

My mum was a monarchist.

My dad was a Marxist.

What ideology should I, as their daughter, follow?

Neither.

As it turns out I'm a disappointed idealist who can never find the ideal world I'm looking for.

Much like Dean.

Dean is doing the best he can. He is trying to find what makes him Dean in a world in which he has defined himself purely in relation to his family.

Dean doesn't - cannot - exist without Sam. That's why he doesn't care that he's going to hell.

Dean doesn't- cannot - exist without John. That's why he doesn't care that Sam disapproves.

Dean only measures himself against the monochrome rating that has been instilled in him since he started on this path. Demon vs Human. Simple as that.

Dean did not care that he was going to hell.

Dean would still have been human.

Now he knows different, he doesn't want to go to hell.

Yes, Dean sees things in a bipolar aspect - one thing or another, nothing in between. It's why I love his character. He's inherently flawed as a result and I love him for it.

Sam might be one thing or another, I love the enigma. I don't want to see inside his head to know what he's thinking, I love not knowing whether he's upset because he's hurting his brother or because he's faulting the plans to rule the world.

Dean is Dean.

He's broken.

He's damaged.

But he's making the best of it.

Dean is the everyman.

Dean is the... person we all hope we - our flawed selfish selves - would be,

Dean is selfless, and caring, and objective.

This is why I am a Dean Girl.
 
 
 
laurahopeless_cynic on February 9th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC)
Well said. I'm a Dean girl (along with being a John girl), & I'm not sure what I think about the latest episode yet. I only just watched it this afternoon, 'cause I suck, but I *loved* it. Dean is so broken, & the boys just want to kill me, I swear.

The amount that Dean has had put on him (whether intentionally or not) is insane, and maybe he's not really dealing with it in the best way, but he's doing it his way. Getting on with it & carrying on taking care of Sammy. The reveal last week about the whole human/demon thing, that especially showed off his view of things being one way or another, as we've now had him admitting that he doesn't want to die/go to hell.

Main point of my comment: yes, I'm a Dean girl for basically the same reason. Also? Was it just me, or did he look a hell of a lot like Alec, for about a split second this week? It was one of the scenes in the Impala, I think. Doesn't matter lol.