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17 April 2010 @ 11:31 am
and the Gold Medal for Pondering goes to...  
I'm havng self-confidence issues again. (Like there's ever a time when I don't.)

I want to write, but it's been so long since I've shared anything that I really don't trust in myself again. I've even had thoughts of sock-puppeting to see if I get any feedback, but then I chicken out.

I have ideas, I have stories which want to be finished, I just don't have the impetus to write.

And on top of that, I was doing a trawl through some of the other icon makers' journals and came across a post which shook my confidence in that area as well. I know I can make good icons. But I don't make great ones. I'm one of the flock and very little of what I do is innovative.

I know this sounds like one of my 'oh my god i'm so depressed' posts, but honestly, I'm not in a bad place right now. Things could be 100 times better, but that's true for everyone, right? I'm being reflective rather than depressive.

I just don't know that I have the ability to stand up and say 'I'm a writer' or 'I'm a digital graphic artist' because right now, I'm not.

And now, in an attempt to be slightly innovative, I'm going to go try to find some UK WWII propaganda posters for a project I ain't talking about yet. And also some Rat Pack pics for another project I ain't talking about (but may have something to do with thedothatgirl having sent me the pilot episode of a show I may have fallen hard for...).

(Oh, also - I now have a bed for the Friday and Saturday night at A4 and a couple of offers of floor space for the Sunday. I LOVE this fandom!)
Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
Current Music: Christian Kane - Shoulda Been A Cowboy
Cat: stock: writeaditu_az on April 17th, 2010 11:09 am (UTC)
I went to the SFX weekender this year, and one of the best parts of it were the writer panels. And I remember especially the Writing for TV panel (which was mostly Being Human and Doctor Who) and one thing from that really stuck in my mind. They all concurred that there was no such thing as wanting to be a writer, and the only way to become a writer is to write. Even on days when you don't feel inspired, or you don't think you're coming out with anything good, just write anyway. Even if you don't think what you're writing should ever be seen by anyone else, even if you worry because you aren't writing the same quality as the day before. Write on the bad days. Write more on the good days. And, although not so much in the arena of writing or graphics, I can definately attest to the fact that sometimes the only way to get back into something is to bite the bullet and get on with it. Even if it's just doing it for yourself for a while, rather than for other people. Some of the best things I've ever done have been as an exercise for myself. Sometimes the nervousness about things comes from what other people will think, so sometimes it's worth rebuilding your confidence about what you can achieve before asking for vindication from the outside. And that's advice I don't like giving because (more re: icons at this point because I don't actually have time to read anything) I really want to see what you're doing!

And the really amazing writers and artists are supposed to be an inspiration, rather than the opposite. I think in terms of creative people, it's the people who make you want to continue rather than the people who make you want to give up that are truly great.
Cat: me'n'steve'n'sho'n'bottle!!!!aditu_az on April 17th, 2010 11:12 am (UTC)
I've always liked your graphics, and thought it was awesome. You are one of my top go-to-graphics people.
This is why I came to you first of anyone about this new project, and I'm very glad I did!
the girl who used to dance on fire and brimstone: primeval //gonna die - mewhiskyinmind on April 17th, 2010 11:25 am (UTC)

I try to write each day but I end up procrastinating all the time. Like when I think the reason I can't write is because I don't have a proper desk (I'm using the kitchen table right now) or because Pop Master's about to start on the radio or because it's too sunny, or too windy, or whatever.

I need to get myself back into the habit again, I have a fantastic prompt I got by text the other night and I might do a personal NaNoWriMo challenge with it. (maybe 10,000 words in a month, or 2,000 a week or something.)

The icon post I saw actually wasn't me being daunted because the icons were better, it was more a 'how I find inspiration' post where the maker posed the question 'why make icons that look the same as everyone else?'. I don't have an answer just yet, even though it's exactly what I do.

I'll work through it, I seem to be doing better with the larger graphics at the moment anyway - which is why it's been such a pleasure working on your project. Non-fandom and giving me the opporchancity to try various techniques on stock images. Loving it.

(Also, how about having some mention of leopard-print suitcases somewhere in your journal title? *giggles*)

Dammit. I CAN SPELL!! Honestly...

Edited at 2010-04-17 11:27 am (UTC)
tessarintessarin on April 17th, 2010 12:47 pm (UTC)
Well I think your icons are great. I agree with the other comments that say just getting down to it if you have ideas but you cannot get started.

You probably already know when you get into the groove the flow comes easier. Maybe start on that new prompt to get yourself started before revisting some of the old stuff.
velvetwhip: Hugs by Spikesredqueenvelvetwhip on April 17th, 2010 04:57 pm (UTC)

What they said.

thedothatgirl: AtSHugsthedothatgirl on April 17th, 2010 07:17 pm (UTC)
I think your graphics work is great. I just think because we are a little too close to what we create we can't always see it straight. I know I feel that way about what I make whether it's art/vids/graphics.

I think 'the new show' starts on Bravo this week from scratch - if you don't get that channel then I can send you some. Also did you want Legend o T Seeker S2?

draconindraconin on April 18th, 2010 01:20 pm (UTC)
I just don't know that I have the ability to stand up and say 'I'm a writer' or 'I'm a digital graphic artist' because right now, I'm not.

Two comments: Firstly, the operative phrase is 'right now'. No-one starts out an expert; it's an on-going process that takes time. Secondly, and related to this, *because* it takes time, we often don't recognise our own expertise. It can take you by surprise when someone says "Wow, you're really good at that!" and our first reaction, based on years of *not* being an expert, is to deny it and think that they're just being polite. Sometimes you need to step back and ask yourself if maybe, just maybe, they're recognising talent that you're blinding yourself to. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to feel good about the level you've reached. Which is not to say, of course, that there isn't always an even better level to aspire to! :-)